i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
