i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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