Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
