38 yer olds are good kisserssss
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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