She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
