am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
