i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
