im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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