Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
