i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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