You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
