I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We had to coat check the pizza.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
