I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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