it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
