I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
