It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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