did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
