I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
