theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
