I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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