Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
