Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just pee around me
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
