you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
