I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
