May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
