Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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