i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
