Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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