I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I think my moral compass just broke
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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