Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
