I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
