After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
