is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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