My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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