So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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