For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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