More tranny stories later!
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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