my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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