i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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