Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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