i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
