Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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