I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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