Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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