Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
