i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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