Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
