So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
