They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
