Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
