i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
