Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
