Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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