i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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