I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
