my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
