6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
