Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
